Shadow Seraph
by WhoJackman
Summary: Tulie One Shot Angst. Tim Riggins watches Julie throughout her years of high school.


**Shadow Seraph**

**Freshman Year**

The first time he even knew she existed was the year she started high school. A freshman scared to death and jumping out of her skin to finally be part of the high school world. He had been late to class and she had yet to find hers. She stood dead centre of the hall, brushing one of her feet in circles around her other stationary one, like a dancer. She clasped her class schedule in shaking hands and was biting her lip with intensity. It was in the moment that Tim Riggins knew that someday, somehow he would be with her. He would kiss that full, pouty mouth and savour its sweetness. One day he would bite that lip himself, tasting whatever heavenly delights she tasted of. He would tightly grasp her lithe length against his own.

Tim had never seen anyone as vibrant as this girl, she shone from the inside. Her long blonde hair fell straight down her back, the colour of fresh corn. Her nose was scrunched in irritation at her predicament and he liked her even more. Her bronzed skin shimmered in the warm air and he felt propelled towards her. The hand that held the schedule was beginning to flutter as she was getting more and more worried about being late for class.

"Hey, are you okay?" he didn't recognise his voice, he hadn't even thought the words. She turned towards him her relief palpable. He gestured for her schedule and took a quick glance at it, realising she was on the wrong floor.

"You need to go up one," he pointed to the ceiling and threw her his best smirk. She wasn't even looking at him. Her eyes squinting as she re-examined her schedule and identified her mistake. She quickly moved forward towards the stairs not sparing him a glance. He was displeased that she hadn't even slid him a courtesy glance. She kept going not sparing a glance back, this had never happened to him before.

"The name's Riggins," he found himself calling out across the hall to the retreating back of the girl who dared not acknowledge his presence. She slowed and turned, her feet skidding on the slippery surface. She looked up at him over the vastness of the hall, her eyes narrowing when realising he was speaking to her.

"Oh hey, thanks for your help but I've gotta go," she turned again flying up the stairs her hair waving out behind her.

Tim was stunned, she really didn't care at all. He was a sophomore and he was used to girls clamouring to get near him, his looks and membership on the football team huge contributing factors. This idealistic and probably naive blonde gave him the once over and found him lacking. He couldn't say he wasn't intrigued.

After a little hunting and gathering Tim had discovered that the blonde that had dared dissed him was Julie Taylor. Daughter of one of the assistant coaches of the Dillon Panthers, one of his coaches. Not that the Coach remembered his name, he'd been Higgins since he joined the year before in freshman year. She was a freshman and she was the Coach's daughter, he'd leave her well enough alone until she was older.

Beside he had the warmth of an Amazonian blonde, Tyra. She was hot for his bod and had no problem living it up on all surfaces and at any time. He pushed aside the thought that it was all a little shallow.

**Sophomore Year**

Tim hadn't been able to stop his automatic glance around the cafeteria to find her. He was like the Terminator, sweeping every environment for a blonde hottie who was healthily stocked with Riggins immunity. He was a junior, Julie a tenth grader and yet the thought of approaching her was beyond him. She was shining star that he didn't want to tarnish, he liked the idea of her but in reality it could all disappear like the sun on a cloudy day.

The situation had changed, her Dad was his Coach. He saw her around more, she'd read her books in the centre of the cafeteria oblivious to the interested attention of the guys around her. He saw Saracen sniffing around once or twice but he'd gotten shut down immediately. It made him feel better he'd admit to that, that she didn't give any guy a chance. Maybe she was guy immune. Maybe she was a lesbian. God, that would be so unfair!

He watched her from afar, convincing himself that it was better this way and that unreal expectations had a habit of falling into the mire. He'd been in the cafeteria shortly after Street had been injured when he realised that his attention had drifted to a certain brunette. Lila. His self-destruct mechanism had kicked in. He was done for. That hadn't meant however he'd been able to stop his tabs on Julie.

He saw her relationship with Saracen develop. Their bumbling, cutesy and innocent romance difficult to watch. He'd never been that innocent and his infatuation with Lila continued despite her choosing of Street and Street's dismissal of him.

He found solace watching Julie. He thought about approaching her again but she was absorbed in the first blush of love and his already muddied reputation was tarnished further with the stigma of screwing over his freshly disabled best friend. It was never going to happen. Landry had helped him with an English assignment and he'd attended that horrible band play. Tim had snuck glances of her standing with Matt looking bored waiting for Landry to run out of breath and keep over. Later on he'd overheard Smash giving Matt advice on sleeping with Julie and his skin crawled. It hadn't felt right. She wasn't supposed to end up with him, with the guy that wasn't Tim. So he'd fallen into a relationship with Jackie and her son, he needed a distraction and she provided one. He had almost convinced himself that it could work. In the back of his mind a glimpse of a blonde whispered otherwise.

So she was with the QB, despite the fact she had publicly espoused the fact that she hated footballers and he still had never spoken to her apart from that time in the hall. He had attended the Player's Dinner before the big state game and he'd made some lame joke about Matt screwing Julie. She had sat there at her table, mumbling under her breath, seemingly unmoved. Surely that should have received some reaction but there was nada. This girl was seriously neutered when it came to Riggins charm. He'd tried to distract himself with Tyra again but she wasn't all that interested.

They had won the championship. Sure he was happy but it was all external. It didn't make his circumstances change or his grades heighten. It didn't make him important to anyone except those who skated off the attention of state champs. He wasn't going to score a college scholarship and an individual would have to be stupid to hire him. What did he really have to look forward to? The Coach was leaving too and with him he was taking Julie. It was over before it even started. She was gone.

**Junior Year**

Tim was in his final year, his senior year. He sometimes wondered what staff members had smiled on him, granting him the ability to progress through high school. Julie was still there. Her father moving onto TMU leaving her and her mother behind. She seemed different. Her steps were heavier, her shoulders lower, her general demeanour more grim. She broke up with Matt and moved onto the only person in Dillon possibly greasier than him, The Swede. He wanted to ask her what the hell she was thinking. But what right did he have? He could see her silently self-destructing, her pain, the loneliness and her abandonment clear to someone who was familiar with all three. Then her father returned to her and things didn't improve, in fact she seemed more enraged than ever. He felt the need to soothe her but his hands were tied.

Tim had found Billy and Jackie out and he couldn't live there anymore. He was homeless and he'd found himself living at the Taylor's. He found himself actually having to talk with her. To co-exist with the girl he had always had an eye out for. She clearly didn't remember the first time they'd met and she clearly felt that she didn't have to go out of her way to make him welcome. Nevertheless they talked and he realised she was more interesting than the idealised version he'd frozen in his brain. She was also a lot more confused and angry than he had given her credit for. He found himself spending more time with her just talking and being there. Holding her while the tornado hit was perhaps what had surprised him the most. He had gone out of his way to not touch her and in that moment, touch and protection were his priorities, it had felt insanely good.

Living with her was like watching an extremely attractive ice cream stand unclaimed with the ever present concern of being ratcheted by an angry, over protective ice cream scooper. It was torturous. He did more things with her like attending that party and he had to admit he had been having an okay time. That was until he'd seen Julie drunk out of her mind on the couch with the cretin Riley mooching onto her. The rage that filled him exhilarated and scared him. He moved in and assessed the situation. This was not good. She was intoxicated and clearly about to engage in something she wasn't all that aware of. He had used some very effective words on the dude and helped Julie sneak home undetected. That had been his hope anyway and then the Coach had walked in assuming he'd done what Tim had only wished he had done. He'd accepted the tongue lashing knowing it was what he deserved for all his inappropriate thoughts about the man's daughter.

Tim had been kicked out and his life had stopped again. He was facing major Julie withdrawals and he was without a home. His senior year sucked ass. She had apologised of course, she was that kind of girl. The Coach had too. But he didn't see her much again and the loss of the real Julie was harder to bear.

**Senior Year**

She was in her last year of school and he was bumming around Dillon passing time while he decided what to do with his life. She was happier this year, not that he saw her all that much. He found himself attending all the Dillon Panther games under the facade of being an ex-player. Instead he used it as an excuse to sit next to her in the bleachers, to talk to her, to be with her. It was nice. She, of course had no inkling that he was interested. Tim was way too good at camouflaging his real feelings by now. She spoke of her academic scholarship of her hopes for the future. Of getting out of Dillon. He realised his chance was gone. She was moving on and he had nothing to offer. He let it go, he let her go.

**Life**

He continued his existence in Dillon, selling cars to horny housewives under the hostile management of Buddy Garritty. He drank too much and plainly existed through each day. Julie came by for the major holidays and she always made an effort to say hello. But...but she had moved on, she had a preppy boyfriend built like a linebacker and she glowed. She glowed. He knew that all those years ago in that empty hall, he should have chased her down and convinced her of his worth and that she should date him. It was his biggest mistake and his biggest loss all wrapped up in one small moment.


End file.
